Miserable at its best

I am a mess . A completely full of mess. why i say so ? because i cant even stand by my own i mean i loss my confidence. It seems like everything I do, it's not gonna work out as I plan to be. I'm so damn stressful right now. Almost a week I'm crying like a baby .  I just need a new motivation for myself which means me, myself & I , the only one who can give the new motivation. I must get up and kuatkan semangat . it is a WAKE UP CALL!. hmm well its easy to say...potpetpotpet but to do it....gahhh idk where to start. Hm, enough is enough farahin. enough with the but, however and tapi tu! if I keep on placing the 'but' between a positive and negative thing , it would means nothing. It was like words full of  wisdom yet useless with no actions. As I realize now, i keep on giving excuses or blaming on something else for what had happened to me. padahal, it was me who can start and end it (duh, silly gal) . the feeling of being soooooo tiny and loser...i have to bring it out. I'm not a loser but I act like the one.  I can say TER-act like a loser hahaha. because my surrounding and people at here (classmate laa senang citer) which absolutely pandai pandai belakaaaaaa. Maka, terjadilah satu situasi atau perasaan di mana diri ini perlu bersaing to be in the pandai pandai belaka one haha bengong. i shouldnt do that i guess. I just pushing myself so hard  and now look what happen?  i become soo kabut depressed macam orang gila salahkan itu ini. I have to adapt the environment at  here laa i suppose. not the weather ke apa tapi environment bersama manusia di sini haha. its been almost 3 years i stay here but still have  the same problem takleh nak adapt haha. hm i just need a friend (GIRL PLEASE) who i can trust and share what i feel hmmm kat sini susah nak percaya sesiapa. there is a lot of 'kawan' tapi nak cari the real kawan perghh so hard beb. Nak belajar receive load minyak pun tak susah macam tu haha. Yeahh but (the positive 'but' this time) i have to change it from hoping some girlfriend to rely on to the independent farahin natasha hewhew. so i have to start from level 0 and getting higher and higher to the highest level eva (ecewahhhhhh nampak tak harapan tu) . slow and steady. dont overthink & over react on something that is actually easy to deal with. dont complicate it . phewwww ~~~ (breath in, breath out) I CAN DO THIS! for those who yeahhh pandang rendah ke not believe in myself ke apa, im gonna show you that you are wrong. i may not clever as you guys but i will try my best to beat the clever you by doing some  unlimited efforts teehee. wish me luck guys! ;)

ohhh for example, i need THIS farahin natasha; where people thought she cant conquer something bigger or higher than her but she nailed it! (Rindu nak hiking tapi takde duit & takde equipment yang lengkap for hiking meowmeow)

How to compose a fun post at here ?

Huwaaaa seriously where did my passion in doing this thing has gone ? :(  Dulu kemain everyday post apa semuaaa . But now ? I dont even have any idea what to post what to share what to talk about hmmmm. Maybe i've became a dull person now huwaaaa no wayy no waaaayyyyy ! Bila baca blog orang lain cam blog Maria Elema ke kan i was like wow how did she get a lot of things to share ? How can she keep her passion in this blog thingy ? Being a blogger is not as easy as i thought hahaha . You need passion & yeahh a lot of thing (interesting one) to share! But i got nothing here to share unless my boring hectic routine adalah nak share hahaha and i am sure takde sape nak hidup macam aku lepastu hahaha . So yeahh what a short post i guess i dont have any idea (yup keep repeat the same words ) yet what to tell hmmmm tapi rasa jugak nak post something so here we go the meaningless post eva! well done pain meheheheehheehhe

Okay chiowww byeee Assalamualaikum :8)

The moment when i can do whatever i want such as baring atas jalan tar mehehehe

Sibuk dan Futur ?

Weehoo so yeahh dah lama tak update ini blog disebakan kekurangan idea dan tiada masa yang lapang untuk update pos baru . Jadi sekaranglah masa yang sesuai sementara menunggu baju siap dibasuh haha

Hm, yup memang sangat sibuk lately ni sampai kesihatan dan makanan tak terjaga. Aku tak tahulah aku amik course apa ni sampai tak tido malam dah terbalik dunia aku. Mehh diri sendiri punya hal laa tak reti manage masa & buat kerja last minute mana taknya muahaha.Hm sepanjang kesibukan ini sempat jugak aku berasa sangat serabut...senang citer rasa hilang diri sendiri tak tahu ke mana arah tuju.I've been looking for the reasons why im being liddat all of a sudden. Sumpah sangat rasa nak nangis stress rasa nak pergi jauh padahal tu bukan penyelesaiannya. Setahu aku tak pernah laa aku serabut sampai macamtu sekali.And what make it worst is i kept it to myself. Not telling akak or usrahmate abt it . Aku jadi macam malas sampai nak tinggalkan tanggung jawab yang ada. Nak shortcut laa konon taknak terikat dengan apa2 tanggungjawab eceh ayat haha. Ujian demi ujian mendatang aku jadi makin lemah padahal aku yang minta untuk kuat . Nak kuat mmg melalui ujian laa kan ? tapi aku alpa mudah sangat melatah terus rasa lemah serabut .

Tapi alhamdulillah , satu hari tu after i've ruined  each of my day before the day i return to  myself back macam biasalah ada sesi luahan perasaaan yang terbuku di hati dengan housemate yg merangkap usrahmate & my backpacker buddies  eceh & yes dari situ aku tahu...aku futur. Futur ? meh bukan sarapan in arabic ye tahu futur dalam bahasa arab sarapan tapi ni dalam makna yang lain iaitu gugur. Kira jadi mcm iman makin berkurang dan tanpa sedar kita rasa malas nak buat semua benda nak teruskan segala apa yang kita kerjakan segala apa yang kita usahakan untuk ke arahNya . Gahh sumpah that the worst feeling ever & i dont wanna be in it no more. Seksa perit.

Kiranya bila kita dah lupa dah lalai asyik ingatkan dunia tapi masa untuk Dia kita bagi sisa je, itulah balasannya. Setiap nikmat, masa, ujian tu semua diberi memang bersebab. Nikmat pun ujian. Jadi walau apa pun kita dapat cuba & pastikan kita bersyukur & redha. bukan mengeluh give up & salahkan Dia. Pedoman untuk diri aku laa ni takmau jatuh dalam futur lagi. Menakutkan.

Okay i guess thats it takde benda dah haha. Till then Assalamualaikum :)

New.

Yesterday , I did plan something crazy & out of my mind .  Without any hesitation at all , I told Fatin to pick her up at Melaka haha . Idk why all of sudden I would think to plan unexpected thing like that haha . Well, i'm just being myself. Unpredictable Farahin Natasha  :) . Hm I guess at that time I was wondering to face the memories & places where I've ever went with him . I have to face it instead of running away coz yes for sure it will chase u back & u will fall down get hurt all over again . Memories & past are the scariest things for me right now. Been there for more than a month still can't get over it T.T . It tortures me & yeahh kill me slowly. I cant't even control my emotional , my mind & myself . I feel like I'm gonna turn out as an insane freaky girl gahhhh. I'm almost give up, everyday everynight. Pathetic? yes I am. I can't deny it, I lose my weight banyak gila coz idk where my appetite gone to. I'm become weak when it comes to lose someone who i love so much . But then I realize...till when I have to live in fear, in pain and crying all day all night over the same things .And in my previous post pun has open up my eyes about the TEST that I haven't pass for so long. Asyik repest test je huwaaaa. I have to make a change right? alot of changes to be exact. I must find a thousand ways to fix my life. fix myself .Just leave it to Allah. Keep on dua' & have faith in Him. If it is meant to be , it will be . If we really meant to be together, sure will be & hopefully together in a better way , Amiinnn inshaAllah :). Always pray for that...

 So ehem, step 1 : face the memories & create a new one. 

Yup memories never fade & I won't forget the old ones tho :) just yeahh make a new memory at the same place would be interesting aite ? To make it becomes much sweeter & less hurt? hehe. well,  I called this mission as a rebound farahinization :p lulz.

Nawwhhh stop with all those summertime sadness . Let's move on to Farahin & friends roadtrip : Farawrhin,Beng,Fatin & Wak Take Over Melaka :D. Yeah apparently as i said before memang the main objective*ecewah* just to pick Fatin straight away go back to Bangi no singgah somewhere else . But unfortunately , we just can plan & Allah yang tentukan . Yes, He gives us a better plan tho entah mcm mana we have alot of time to chill out at Pantai Klebang wiwiwiwi. I've been dreaming to go there since forever kot! so yeahh Alhamdulillah I've got the chance to go there with my friends hihi. Macam orang lain jugak, we all had a  #foodhunting session laa jugakk duhhh. The food at there was hmm yeahh not bad boleh laa nak isi perut & make ur tummy happy. Aiskrim pasu dia memang ZE BEST! umangggaaaaii sangat sodap ! No regret seriously. satisfaction level 999++ .Okaylah, to make it short & kurang hambar I will share a few photos hmm coz it would be much interesting kot for u guys menjiwai our roadtrip hahaha. So here we go !

K I know tak enjoy pun sebab gambaq kami jaaa hahaha :p. Well I better stop here then hee . pray the best for us , for me &for all our muslim sisters & brothers out there . Semoga kita dapat bahagia yang diberkati dariNYA. Spread the love <3 & we all already know love can be define in so many ways - choose the right one to give then :) . Assalamualaikum.